In love and at risk: How to identify and prevent teen dating violence
Brock Rigsby is a Ph.D. student in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies. He has served as a Mental Health Research Intern with CSU Extension and is currently a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern in the CSU Centers for Counseling, Assessment, and Mentoring. The content of this article was reviewed by a licensed mental health professional.
What could compare to being young and in love? Between the laughs shared, new experiences, and intensified teen emotions, it sounds like a roller coaster of excitement. However, young love can lead teens to putting on those rose-colored glasses and never taking them off.
Adolescents experience dramatic biological changes that tell us teens are not too young for romantic love. Emotionally, they feel things more deeply and intensely than adults. In this way, teens feel love more strongly than at any other time in life.
Increased intensity, however, comes with increased instability. Teenage romance may fall harder and faster than other love, which can turn to obsession, anger, or aggression. As teens begin to seek one of the most important types of human connection, they may instead find themselves trapped and needing support.
Learn the harsh realities, hidden signs, and crucial prevention strategies that highlight the urgency of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.
Uncover the facts, understand the red flags, and empower yourself with resources to protect yourself or the teens in your life from dating violence.
Factors to think about
Violence comes in many forms and not all forms are visible. Dating violence attempts to gain power and control over one’s partner. Although this may be accomplished through physical means, it can also be accomplished through sexual, emotional, psychological, or economic means.
Teen dating violence is more common than you might think. Up to two in three teens may experience dating violence, whether this is emotional, physical, or another type of violence.
Technology is a key contributor to modern teen dating violence. Phones and other devices allow partners to be in constant contact. Although electronic communication has benefits for relationship development, it also provides increased ability for romantic partners to monitor or control their partner’s activities, whereabouts, and social life.
How to prevent teen dating violence
Know the signs
Power and control dynamics play out in many different ways. Here are some “red flags” that might mean it’s best to move on from a relationship:
- Being aggressively touched out of anger (hit, slapped, kicked, etc.).
- Feeling coerced or pressured by a partner into any activity, especially related to sex or substance use.
- Constantly being asked by a partner to share excessive details about one’s location, friends or other company, activities, or how long those activities might take. Sometimes these questions might be reasonable, but if they are frequent, or if a partner is consistently tracking one’s location through electronic or other means, this might be called “monitoring.”
- Feeling bad about spending time with other people instead of a partner.
- Being embarrassed by a partner in front of friends, family, or other people.
- Receiving threats from a partner, such as threats to spread a rumor, share a secret, or hurt themselves/someone else.
- Needing to dress a certain way or do certain activities that don’t feel good for the benefit of a partner.
- Having bad things said by a partner about one’s body or sexual history.
- Being yelled at or called names by a partner (verbal abuse).
- Having to let a partner read texts or look through a phone.
- Constantly questioning one’s memory or experiences because a partner insists on another version of the story (gaslighting).
There are many ways that violence can come up in a romantic relationship, but these examples are a good place to start. Know these signs of violence and identify them when they happen.
For teens
Remind yourself that relationships are meant to bring you up, not tear you down. Regardless of how you feel about the person, it’s important to remember that you deserve to feel supported and cared for no matter the circumstances.
For the teens in your life
Talk to your teens. Whether you’re a parent, a professional, a friend, or a family member, knowing the signs of teen dating violence can only do so much. It is important for teens to know these signs, too.
Writing off teenage romance deprives adults of the opportunity to help the teens in their lives form healthy, fulfilling relationships. Teens should be allowed to explore romance, but they should do so with a strong support system behind them and a healthy understanding of the risks and rewards.
Adults can support this exploration by discussing red flags and modeling healthy relationships.
Additional resources
To learn more and to learn how to support the teens in your life if they are facing dating violence, start with the resources below:
- Dating Matters: An initiative by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- Love is Respect: A project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline
This article is intended for educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical advice. If you or someone you know needs immediate support, call or text 988 for 24/7 support. You may also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for relationship-specific support by calling 1 (800) 799-7233, texting “START” to 88788, or chatting online at www.thehotline.org.
Human Development and Family Studies at CSU
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